Solen är långt från oss

Solo exhibition in Titanik Gallery, Turku, Finland, 2.6 - 2.7.2023

Photos by Johanna Naukkarinen

Oil, gesso, graphite pencil and metal hinges on jute

150 x 205 cm x 4, 2023

A couple of years ago I noticed that many of the songs I was writing were about the summer. At first I thought that it must be a coincidence, but then I remembered how difficult the summers had been throughout my life. That I have always hated the summer.

As a child I didn't have any friends outside of school, so my summer vacations were spent at the mercy of my alcoholic parents. Those summers were tough on me and later in life this led to my depression always being at its worst in the summertime.

My mom was afraid of people and so I learned to fear them, too. I enjoyed being outside in the winter when the cold and darkness made other people stay in. I didn't want anyone to see me, to see how weird I was.

In springtime the first warm rays of sunlight would make people stop in the streets and turn their faces towards the sun. This sight always filled me with terror because it foreboded the isolation that was to come.

I stayed inside all day, all summer long, trying to stop the light from getting in. My efforts were always in vain and the intrusive sunlight would reach me throughout the summer, reminding me of my alienation.

The exhibition consisted of a series of paintings that reflected my experiences of summer light, a recording of ten of the songs I had written that could be listened to in the exhibition and a text based performance in the exhibition space in which I expanded on the themes of the exhibition.